Lowkey Insecure

*Spoiler Alert* for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 4 of Insecure!

As I like to say “Don’t play in the recycle bin” because somethings are just meant to be thrown out. Insecure Season 4 was all about relationship woes. From romantic to business to even relationships surrounding family and friends.

We have Molly and Issa at odds. Molly and Andrew on shaky grounds. Tiffany is having a rough time coping with being a new mom. And of course the Condola, Issa and Lawrence saga. Each relationship highlights challenges that are oh so common to relate to. With Issa and Molly, they have been friends forever and it seems that they are drifting apart. With Molly and Andrew, he feels that he always does the yielding and Molly just gets her way ALL the time… constantly the “Molly Show”. Tiffany is clearly struggling with being a new mom; she’s drinking all the time and finally just runs away because she doesn’t know what else to do. And then Lawrence breaks up with Condola only to get back with Issa and try to make that work.

Season 4 finale ends with Lawrence telling Issa about Canola Oil being pregnant. They strolling along on Cloud 9 and then get hit with this bombshell. To the point that Issa says it’s “too much”. And I instantly flip back to Issa’s earlier conversation with Nathan and Nathan basically saying Lawrence is a flakey F*boy. And I can’t say that Nathan isn’t far off from the truth. Issa was there supporting Lawrence through the dark times and not just financially but tried to be there physically and mentally. And he shut her out. He completely treated her like TRASH! He didn’t want her, he gave her NO ENERGY, NO AFFECTION, NO TIME…etc.. Not to mention he never could admit when he was wrong. And he NEVER supported her, yet wanted her to be at his beckon call. And when I say support it doesn’t even mean in monetary value just acknowledging her efforts. Sis couldn’t even get a “I know you working hard beautiful and I appreciate you for that“. He barely spoke to her when she walked in the door, then was looking dumbfounded when sis stumbled on to someone else. People have their breaking points and they get tired of saying “see me” and I truly believe that’s where Issa was when she messed around with Daniel. Not that she was out looking to cheat, but when you are thirsty for water and are being deprived at home.. you will eventually find something to quench your thirst. Do I condone her behavior?.. NAHH.. but I get it. There were definitely other ways to deal with her loneliness.. but again I say.. I get it. She was fighting for them to make it work all while he was barely showing up. In hindsight she probably should have avoided the recycle bin in this case. They both had moved on and were individually achieving their goals. Lawrence and her could have remained cool and they could have been happy in their separate lives. Don’t get me wrong I like Lawrence when he’s got his head on straight, but how he treated Issa was out of order. I personally see why people think Nathan is a good choice for her. He supports her; he appreciates her; he sees her. Heck he admits when he’s wrong (the boy admitted to getting help for being bipolar for Pete’s sake). He doesn’t always TAKE from her. He POURS into her as well, so she never feels empty. He saw everything she had to offer from Day 1; meanwhile Lawrence is Jekyll and Hyde and you don’t know which one is going to show up that day. Remember a few seasons back how Lawrence treated Tasha. Tasha had a plan and had her life together. Here comes Lawrence to wreck havoc, suck all her energy, lie about having a G/F and string sis along only to finally admit that he was on BS in the end. And Tasha flat out says to him that “He’s a F* boy who thinks he’s a good dude” WHEWWW.. Sis pulled his CARD!! Let’s just say I CANNOT wait until Season 5 starts.

So I recap all of that to say.. Relationships are difficult. Easily the hardest thing I’ve ever signed up for. WHY??? Because you can’t control other people. You can’t control their thoughts, their actions and even how they treat you. Like Issa, you can do any and everything for someone and yet they may not see it like that from their point of view. And that my friends can be maddening because it’s lonely AF, yet you don’t know if you should get off the ride or not. And now you walking around triggered and emotional all the time because you see the red flags and refuse to address them. And if you are anything like me, you are unable to cope with issues in real life. You would rather it all just blow over with time. But sometimes that just isn’t the case. And in those instances you have to be brave enough to face the issue head on. If you see red flags … call it out.. don’t ignore them. Even if you have to seek out professional help.. call the flags to the carpet. Addressing them doesn’t mean that ya’ll can’t work your differences out, but it helps to understand one another on a common playing ground.

Not too long ago, I ran across this article that highlighted relationship red flags and thought it was a pretty good list to share.

20 Relationship Red Flags:

  1. Forgets Anniversary dates, Birthdays, Special Occasions
  2. Complaining about every little thing
  3. Expecting to be taken care of (means you’re his mother not his partner)
  4. Stops being polite after a few months
  5. Doesn’t pay attention; complements and encouragement are out the window
  6. Doesn’t know the boundaries between work life and home life
  7. Surrounded by friends of the opposite sex
  8. No Chivalry
  9. Cares more about hobbies than you
  10. No Self-Care
  11. Doesn’t have more than one hobby (He will always be bored)
  12. His relationship with his family is always on the outs
  13. Overly “private”
  14. Doesn’t keep a steady job
  15. Doesn’t know how to “adult” or at least try
  16. Your family and friends don’t like him
  17. Poor behavior; mean spirited
  18. Bad mouths past relationships
  19. Always criticizes you and it’s rarely constructive
  20. Constantly brings up his ex

Now don’t get me wrong.. I’m sure most relationships will have a few of these. That’s normal, however if the list becomes quite extensive then you may need to re-evaluate. I’m not going to go into this list because we will be here ALL day. But I will say your heart lies wherever you place your energy/time. I’m a firm believer that people put their energy into things they care about. So for example, if your Significant Other spends more time entertaining the social media women than he does you… sis he prolly ain’t for you. That man belongs back in the streets to be some other woman’s problem. People have a way of showing you how they feel about you and it’s up to you to take heed. So the word for this article is “DISCERNMENT“. This means “the ability to judge well” and in the faith based context it means, “perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual guidance and understanding”.

D-fined Moment: Most people probably don’t know, but I’m super insecure when it comes to relationships. And I like most women, I never like to admit to insecurities. I’ve been toyed with too many times to count and I’ve done my share of toying with others. Thus causing me to create a barricade that I have placed around me as protection. I rarely let people get too close because I worry that they can use what they know to hurt you. I find it hard to trust people, because time and time again they let you down. And I’m even quicker to walk away from a situation at the slightest inclination of shadiness. So insecure, that even when I’m in a relationship, I’ll hear my inner voice say things and overtime I’ve had to learn to decipher if it was my discernment kicking in or was it my insecurities playing tricks on me. To this day I have that battle! I believe that I have these insecurities because I’m such a perfectionist. I’m so hard on myself: I hate failing at things and I love to look like I have it all together (even when I’m one skittle away from flipping out). So knowing that there will always be someone out there that is better, faster, prettier and smarter than I am gives me anxiety. And makes it difficult for me to take negative criticism. I immediately take criticism (constructive and not) very personal because I know how hard I try to make things work and it takes time for me to shuffle through my feelings in order to actually receive the message . And even worse, if I start to feel that all the good I have isn’t being seen or appreciated, then it can become EXHAUSTING! You can see this in my career for sure. I often find myself saying “If you don’t see all the good I bring, then maybe I need to take my talents elsewhere”. Ask my friends they will tell you… I STAY with a new job. At one point I had like three W-2s in one year; I don’t stay anywhere that I’m not wanted. But overtime, I’ve conditioned myself to push forward and sometimes just let the chips fall where they may. Do I always take that road?.. No.. but eventually I get there.

Needless to say when people show you who they are… BABY BELIEVE THEM!!!!! People can grow and change (even for the better), but you have to look at the motive behind the change itself. Because as change occurs, you may find that you no longer agree with their decisions and behavior and that’s ok. But growth is good for everyone even if that means growing apart (I.e Molly and Issa)! If you find yourself in that situation, just stay in your own lane, focus on you, drink plenty of water, take proper care of our body and tend to your spirit. And don’t be afraid to let the chips fall where they may. Because in the end what’s for you is for you. You control your own happiness… NO ONE ELSE!

So talk to me…

  • What did you think of the Insecure Season 4?
  • Are you with a Lawrence?
  • Are you having trouble addressing some red flags?
  • What are you Lowkey Insecure about?

Drop me a line… I love hearing from you!

Until Next time my loves! XOXO-


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